a Journey

Today was such a mad, hectic daY! Well, at least I got the cardio exercise that Greg was telling me to do! Was walking ard Katong Shopping Centre area to Parkway and back again all cos' I was waiting for the Uncle to print 100 sets of our survey for me! $10 vs. $16! We really got ripped! I realized that CS Uncle did not bother to let us enjoy EOS discount! So... we ended up paying like 4c side, making it 8c per sheet of paper! CucKoo! Can't believe we got suckered into paying for that! Anyway, was talking to BB today, and I realised how important it is to have good group members to ensure that your project does not become a floP! Too near my future for comfort to play around with! Catching up with Fay & GreG was greaT! I just felt so happy basking in their company... it was like some booster jst chillin' with them at CoffeeBean... safe, secure & contented! That was their effect on me! I really loved it.. great perk me up... mooD boosteR if you ask me. *smiles* Although I shouldn't be slacking the night away, I'm just too tired from my walking today to start studying... maybe later... at like midnight inspiration might hit and last till 2a.m. Lama's out with his friends and I think he's wishing I'd call and interrupt to say I miss him and Love him etc. But I just feel like having my own time today. I really enjoy alone time today so I guess I just want to prolong it. that's jst so typical moi. Cannot multi-task very well... can try la... but sometimes it jst doesn't work out well. Like now, for instance. It's not that I've forgotten Lama it's just that I don't know how to incorporate it all seamlessly together... *oops* John has osteoporisis. *raises eyebrows* That's really sad. He doesn't seem to understand what exactly that means... FreakY. Cos' that's my grandama's probleM! she's 75.. he's 21. Right on. AppreciaTe your MilK! Anyway... now that greG's a PTI instructor... fay & I have been bomboarding him with questions on how to keep fit, stay healthy... and of cos, lose weight! hahA! but in my case... it's more specific. How to lose like the 3% worth of bodY faT!!! I'm at 24% body faT!! nearing obese.. or overweighT! GawD! How's tt possible?! *sobs* Well, according to the fat test... it is. *sobs* SkippIng Rope... here I comE! GyM sisTahS! that's whaT FaY & whoever else wants to join us will be after our exams! We'LL be fit and happy ppLe! *grins*

*yawns* It's a lovely, bit hazy, lazy Sunday morning. Lazy. Yup. So much for staying up to do my readings last night. Knocked out like a log. *oink* *sigh* I wonder how Fay can just make herself stay up so late till 3a.m! It's crazee! I'm barely functioning by 1a.m. I need to start serious muggin! I feel like such a slacker! Maybe I AM a slacker. Bah! There's always today I guess. Tonight I mean. The day's for Lama. He's been a bit blue lately. I think it's the painkillers. Depressants. He's been a baby. Over-sensitive from my point of view... or maybe I'm really being harsh with him? It's just that all along, everytime he followed me to my friends parties and when we went out with his friends, he NEVER took a drink. Always said he doesn't drink. And yesterday at the BBQ, he took the cup and drank anyway. So I felt like it was only after I asked him pointedly about it that he defended himself and said he'd taken it for me. Right! I mean, I had already said I didn't want it. And I didn't even touch it. But I'm like, 'Aiyah, forget it la.' I realize that he's got as much right as I do to decide when and where he wants to drink. But I'm not too sure alcohol and painkillers are a very good combi in his state. If I remember right, there's sth bad about it. And he's been saying that I'm picky about his size. I mean, he is small. I'd like my guys bigger. He says that's not possible, but, he was once big enough for my liking! So, how is that not possible again? *sigh* Like Xuying says, I gotta accept him, petite and all. And I realize, I do. I fell for him when he was still scrawny and all working for Toys R Us. If I could fall for him then, learn to love him then; trust me. Loving him now, is no problem. Size is just a preference. I'm looking for sincerity, and he's got plenty. So till that runs out, I'm standing by him. =) Fay's invited me for a sleepover this Thurs. Sometimes, I get so sad thinking that all the times I'm spending with her now will be gone once she goes to Aussie. It's like, I'm storing up enough of Fay to last me 2 years! *sobs* It's quite sad. Losing a best friend... and half your group of friends to overseas studies! Maybe I should ask Becky how she deals with that fact. I mean, her own best friend is overseas... She's managed to live on. Anyway, Jo, Naidu and I are gonna start studying together again. *grinz* Thinking of inviting Sherene, the mother hen along. If anyone is gonna keep us in check for studying, it's gonna be her. Just ran into her yesterday, she's really pretty now in the Taiwanese fair sweetie sorta way. Realized that she's really got a whole lot prettier since TPJC days. Haha. And Naidu, Jo and I still look like kiddos. Talk about juvenile! I'm just so grateful for my Nuurul and the rest at CS. At least that helps ease gurlfriends factor. I think it's just so crucial to have your gurls there for ya always. Always. I remember reading sth online and the person was like, at the end of the day, when the men in your life screw up (as majority usually do), there'll always be the gurls in your life who will hold your hand and cushion the fall. Just like Rossetti's 'Lizzie and Laura'.

*guilty smile* This has been a relatively relaxed week for me. I'm not sure if that's a very good thing considering the exams are just around the corner. *oops* Had a great dinner! Finally found my long-lost often craved for 'Lei Cha Fan'! *yummy* I jst love that dish. Tried sharing the love with Lama but he just couldn't seem to stomach the taste. He associated eating it to drinking beer *bah* Said it was an acquired taste! Haha! Ooh wells. To each their own. The uncle of the stall was so nice. He came to chit-chat with us, give me his namecard... and more importantly, he gave me free soup! I'm so cheap. Did I mention he also flattered me? Haha. Said I was pretty, had good complexion etc. *tsk tsk* Like that, and I'm sold as his new loyal customer! But the food was really good! I missed that dish so so much! So happY! hee! Oh, I'm so looking forward for Friday 'cos Jo's gonna come visit me in NTU! I miss her craziness and upbeat foolhardy *soory gurL* optimism so much! Honestly though, sometimes, that's what you really need in order to keep going. I hope she stays that way after all that has happened. Ooh, and maybe Naidu and her are going to come and hang out at my place on Friday afternoon! CooL! I miss those nutcases so much! Still reminisce about the good ol' days of bummin' and pseudo studying at Naidu's place and watching Jamie Oliver! Mister Naked Chef! Naidu, don't you miss that English bloke? *grinz* I miss studying with Jo and Naidu. *sobz* I miss my a06 gurls. Uni really tears you apart from your gurls sometimes; even Trina agrees. Well, then again maybe it's the laziness... inertia for a blob... to move from NTU unless I have a car, or am headed home. Bum, I know. This week seems to be gurlfriend meet up week 'cos I'll be cramming with Fay at Esplande library on Sat! She's trying to book a room to practice a piano piece for her class performance. Piano. Heh. Haven't touched mine since... I can't remeber when either. It's amazing how quickly you can forget what you have learnt. Like take my Mandarin for instance. Ex-billingual student goes to the hawker centre to order food and gets mocked at by the hawker aunties 'cos they seriously believe that she can't speak Mandarin! It's my darn accent! It's like the words just don't come out sounding right! Argh! Bollocks! Ooh well, it's been a long day. Not exactly looking forward to the mountain of 113 readings tomorrow. And so much for reading up on my 104 concepts tonight. Yeah right. *sigh* Buck up, Sophie! Fay-gurl, you so gotta have to make sure I sit my fanny down on Saturday to cram! Y'know, I'm not sure if I wanna go join Lama for his bbq this Sat. Somehow, I think it's gonna be so awkward. I kinda believe in the new gurl syndrome. Like, that group of his friends were used to seeing him with another gurlfriend, so they'll have to 1) adjust to me 2) I have to deal with their specimen questions. i.e. Ooh, what's the new gurl like etc. whilst making mental notes about me. *tschew* Don't want that. So weird. Hehe. Gonna ask me bro. on his take. Nth like a smack on the head to make up my mind. =p

*smiles* I've finally begun my catching up on all the readings I've slacked off on! Nth like starting with the most conistent, CS105 to help ease the panic! HahA! Even then, I've not done any of the readings since 2nd week of sKooL! Thk gdness for Prof. Lee Wai PenG! Otherwise I'd really be "peng-ed" out by now! Variables and measurements! The concepts not very definite in my mind yet, but I think I'm getting there! *fingers crossed* NuuruL's so sweet! She thought I'd been kidnapped by the boogiemonster or sth! *GIGGLES* So cute; she called me totally "mak-cik" like. "Sophie Koh, where are you? Do you know it's almost midnight?! So adorable! So glad she's my roomie! I'm not gonna walk out on her next semester! Gonna be a good lil' partner and stay in since Lama's leaving soon. *sigh* It was a great day to just visit our old hang out spot at Kiliney. Sweet, bittersweet memories as everything we do is done with the reminder constantly flashing at the back of my head that he's leaving sooN! *sigh* I'll miss him that's for sure. But I know that my gurls and the rest of them will help keep me glued together! I miss my gurLs! NTU is just isolates me from everything and everybody! Argh! Anyway, my Lama and Mak cik NuuruL awaits! Nites!

Ahhh... today was a great day of chillin' out. I love my darling. So do. I love Mister Ou Dahui! *grinz* It was great to be able to completely slack off today after rushing projects, essays and presentations, for like the past 3weeks! How sad is my life?! *bleaugh* Y'knw, whoever said I could breathe in Uni was obviously lying. 'Cos I've never worked as hard as I did till Uni! Anyway, my Lama baby honey bunny was so sweet the way he kept insisting that I take today off and not feel guilty about it. With him, I feel like I've grown alot as a person. I never knew I could trust, rely and more importantly love anyone so much other than Yaya till him. He's taught me what it means to open my heart more to love. If it wasn't for him, I'd still be that naive, wannabe pretend 'tough' chick sitting drunk on the swing at Mandarin Gardens. I think, all those times I acted as a 'tough' cynical Phie in front of my gurls, it was 'cos I didn't KNOW what it meant to love. Dating does not equal to knowing what it is like to love. Just like having sex with somebody doesn not mean you are necessarily making love with that person. It's different; similar on the surface but very different as chalk and cheese when you get down to the itty bitty parts. Fir's girl jst asked me what's my take on sex. I told her that sex sure as hell isn't equal to love. I hope she survives the guy that's using her right now. *burp* I've been a glutton today. Ate so much, it's amazin! Even Yaya says I've eaten quite a fair bit today. I know Lama and my gurls hate it when I can just go on whining about the way I look. But to me, oke, so I'm not fat-- I just want to look the best that my body can. Right now, at this point in time, I know that it isn't. So even if I don't look it, I just feel like a blob that is overflowing. *blurb blurb* Eww. And Lama's going soon. I don't want to satrt lookin' good only when he's gone! I mean, yeah, we can do the whole picture & video thingy. But it's nothing like enjoyin' me when he can hold me, see me, touch me! I want him to be able to appreciate me, the best that I can be. Maybe that's why I've been so anal retentive about the whole body thingy. Some periods, my body just looks good on its own. Other times like now, I think it needs major reconstruction! *facelift at work!* Ooh wells, the movie was great! A Series of Unfortunate Events! It's a really warm movie without much of the cliched bit parts of family love and bonding. Jim Carrey wasn't that unbearable tis time around too! In fact, he was quite good playing Count Olaf. Muting his usually "drama mama" acting really makes him come off better... to me at least. I love the part where the parents wrote that as long as you have family, you have home. Very lovely, the way the concept of what home is, is explained so simply. Home is loving and daring to protect and stand up for what and who you love. I know I will stand up for Lama, should anyone dare to insult him. I stood up for him once before as a friend, I'll stand up for him now as his gurlfriend.

It's been such a tiring period. I'm so drained, so tired. I hate the way this tiredness is eclipising everything in my life. My relationship with Lama is so strained simply because I'm too tired to even care about him, or anything sometimes. All I want to do is sleep. Even then, sleep is disturbed and fragmented because I feel that I should be doing something else more productive. I so wish I could turn back the hands of time and undo all the hurt I've caused Lama. 'BraT' is a good word to describe me these past few weeks. I have no idea how Lama puts up with me. He says it's alright because he loves me; then I say my baby must really love me a helluva lot for all that I've put him thru. Naidu said that at the rate I'm going, I sound like I'm going to go off my rockers soon. Maybe. Unless I start pulling the safety stops I'm so going to go over the edge. I'm stressed out. Overwhelmed by what looms in the distance and yet frustrated that I'm not being productive at all! I mean, Nuurul, Shal & Nawwar are gonna start their muggin' tis weekend! I mean, the mad crazy project period has jst ended and I'd so love a breather. But I guess I must keep up with the rest! I'm such a complete nerd now... what happened to the carefree me who could live life?! I miss that ol' me. Now, I'm jst oLd. Y'knw, if it wasn't for a good ol' dose of gurl power today I'd have jst collapsed. Jo, is E SweeTesT babY gurL around and I'm so gonna castrate e guy that treats her like dirt. Anyway, I finally got around to going to the gym! Had a very blonde gym session and am now nursing a water boil on me lil' toe the size of a peanut! *bleaugh* Luckily it's the weekend and Lama's here to TLC! *grins* Right darlin'? *mwaH* Princesse Suckerphish over and out!