a Journey

yest was e 1st time in a long time i've been out with sean, ben n ern. wow. come to think abt it... it's been a yr n a half since i've been out with them! alone, tt is... without Lama. gdness. guess i've really been shutting myself off frm e rest of e world whn i was with him. *sigh* no pt regretting it tho... best to learn n move on with life. mister wise-guy (ern!) was right... it's time i decide wat exactly i want frm my r/s with Lama. wat do i want? then i realised thre n thn: he's e one i hope to end up with at e end of e day. BUT, problem is, i'm not willing to take him for all that he is now. sure, i love him. of cos i do. but although i love him, i cannot imagine living e rest of my life with him n all his present shortcomings. i'm talking abt his treatment n concept of his ex-es... it's not sth mundane n simple like him not capping e toothpaste or wat hve u! *sigh* n i knw it's silly to fall into e trap abt waiting for ppl to change for e better. a leopard can never change its spots. at e end of e day, he'll be e essentially e same. flirtatious, soft-hearted or jst plain oblivious. i haven't made up my mind yet. unfortunately, sometimes i think he alternates btw e 1st n 2nd. not very gd eh. *sigh* oh wells. but e one gd thing tt came out of yest, was e heart-to-heart chats i managed to hve with Fay n Ern. Fay gurL, u're like a Godsend. i'm not waiting; i'm in an on-going r/s! gurL, i love u loads! wat wld i do whn u're gone. i'm so sorry i didn't appreciate u more whn i had e chance to. if i cld do so many things over, i'd hve chosen to spend more time with u! *hugs* thank u for being such a dearie all these yrs!