a Journey

i'd rather hve fantastic memories, no matter how brief a period in my life, than have it okay for e rest of my life. live rather than exist; it's so easy to aspire to tis, but so painful n difficult to live by it. *sighs* today, i learnt tt one of e hardest thing in life is learning how to let go of familiarity: lost love and what once was. here again, it's e schism between knowing e practical thing to do, n whether u can will ur heart to agree with ur head. a cheating boyfriend together with a moral-less gurl with a boyfriend of her own n ur helpless gurlfriend are key examples of tis. obviously, cheating boyfriend a.k.a heartless jerk who is cheating with moral-less gurl (who cannot make up her mind between her own boyfriend and heartless jerk after 3 months) is so obviously not worth helpless gurlfriend's tears. but what can anyone do? e decision has to come from her; she alone can choose to turn her back n look ahead saying i deserve better n i'm going to move on. *sighs* no one else but she can make e choice for herself.

drained and spent. tt's how i'm feeling now. skool's strting tmr and i'm about in e middle of sickdom with flu, body aches n fever. *bleaugh* but somehow, despite e stress from Paparazzi n e looming chaos of add/drop period, i'm unexplainably optimistic about year 2. maybe it's e fact tt i'll be commutting frm home instead of hostel. i guess i never realized how happy i was, how comfortable home was... till i moved into hall 11. if there's anything i've learnt in my freshman year, it's learning to appreciate how good i've it at home *really, truly* i always thought i was a tough nut who cld rough it out away from home... i guess i over-estimated my threshold on 'roughin' it out. jst e thot of going thru' communal toilets already strts to make my tummy churn. *shudders* maybe it's e fact tt i can actually look less 'hostelite' tt's buoying my mood... hmmm.... *smiles* plus e fact tt i won't feel like i'm living in some timbaktu island away from civilization amidst a-tiongs... plus my gurls! i'll be able to see them more often! *blissful smile* skool ain't so bad after all.

ever since the london tube bombings, i've been turned off by e thought of eating meat. i've always liked my meat::always:: except now, when i look at my plate and i realise that a life had to be lost for my plate... i jst feel so ill. sick to e pit of my tummy: a life had to be killed for me. do i need tis to be killed for me? always, always, ever since that day, e ans has been a resounding NO. i guess what i mean is that in my own air-head sorta way, i'm making a twisted connection between e food on my plate and e senseless killing that's going on around me.

 there's enuf senseless, mindless loss of lives going on around me everyday. be it a suicide bomber, the *'war against terror', riots, murders... what have you, they're happening. there's no denying that fact. and right now, i guess the full impact of e daily tragic waste of lives are hitting home hard. in whatever lil' way i can make my stand i'm making it: i'm going VEG 'cos i can't stand partaking in e killing of anymore unnecessary lives: human or not. i do not want to kill another life to satisfy what i like. i think we have forgotten what it means to live in moderation. everything we do nowadays seems to be aimed at achieving a large-scale shock and awe effect:: war, advertisements, mega malls, hypermarkets, 'super size me' food portions, sex escapades, battery farming::everything is mass produced for the masses:: why?! what happened to those mama shops where e fat jolly ol' shopkeeper knew ur name; family restaurants where e head waiter invited all of u to dance e greek dance with him; homemade danish pastries; hot chocolate that doesn't come from a packet; handmade fishballs with ur mee; hairdressers who've been cutting ur hair since u were young and told u ur hair was thinning without trying to sell u any hair products...

* Bush's war on terror: but to e civilians of e bombed countries of Iraq & Afghanistan... Bush n his troops are e terror... isn't it? what about e rest of e islamic countries... when will they be condemned as terroist 'allies' too?

lots of kudos to nominated MP Claire Chiang for reminding me that the power & beauty of a woman lies in her femininity. sometimes, it seems that gurls today are so keen to take on the guys; so keen to prove our long unrecognised worth and abilities that we forget who we are. Francis Fukuyama talks about how guys and gurls are wired differently. why so? i don't know for sure... but i think it's to balance out that constant bravado talk of war, machines, politics NS(!)... they do start to grate on your nerves after awhile. he reminds us that as women we can roar to our own tune of peace, equality, domesticity... since when did we have to prove our worth on men's terms? i believe that we were wired differently for a reason: so that we could a bring a breath of fresh air n a necessary alternative perspective in positions of power.

for all e gurls out there who dream of your future role as an MP, engineer, astronaut, president:: i salute ur courage to dream:: i hope that we will all stay true to the original hearbeat of femininity!

apparently gurls, today's choc daY! *blissful smile* :: a man was fortunate enough to stumble upon an ancient lamp with a very obliging genie one day. the man argued that he was entitled to at least one wish since he was the one that freed the genie from the lamp. 'very well', the genie said. so the man demanded that he be made to be irresistable to women the world over. 'your wish is my command': all that remained was a bar of chocolate (bet it was Godiva!)::

life is short. live it. we know this; but do we live like today might be our last day on earth? when we stepped out of our house this morning, did we tell those we love how much they mean to us? did we make peace with those whom we find so hard to forgive? as we went about our day, did we stop to notice the lil' things::did you notice the child who smiled at you from his pram; a toothy smile of innocent still retained... were you grateful for the warmth of the sun that shone down on you a reminder of the present of today; were you grateful as evening came, grateful that you could live another day to make amends, to live as though today might be your last day on earth... i hope those who fell victim to the london tube bomb blasts did.

yesterday was a day of joyous celebration as london won the bid to host olympics 2012::people thronged the streets ecstatic that their city had been given this privilege, this honour::

i believe that the human spirit is stronger and better than allowing ourselves to succumb to fear. i believe that we have a choice:

::either to live in bitterness and wallow in self-pity thinking that the world owes us a living:: believing that the world has wronged us and retaliate by conducting a cowardice 'bomb-and-run'. we can take our anger and target innocents, destroying lives, wrenching families apart and attempt to bully everyone into supporting a cause that is flawed and selfish

::or we could turn and face life straight on. take the lemons thrown our way and use them to make lemonade. bombs will come and cowards will attack; but i choose to believe in the resilient dignity of the human spirit.

in the face of these coward attacks, i know that there will be stories where the human spirit triumphed over the misery and pain, simply because people chose the alternative:: i know that in the midst of bleakness, there will be a light that shines through. the light of human solidarity and an opening for His awesome justice and healing touch to work their miracles. i believe. i forgive.

i think the best kind of relationship one can have, is to have the other party balance you out. like the concept of yin and yang, that's how my friendship with fay is. i know that when i'm down; she's going to be the strong one to talk me out of my miserable lil' stupor. when i'm happy as a lark and about to do the most airhead things on earth; i know i can count on her to smack me back to sense. *smiles* that's what best friends are for ain't?

fay, i think you're so amazingly brave to vernture to melbourne on your own. i mean, you took the plane over alone, and pretty much have to settle yourself in; D-I-Y. i know you think that it's nothing much, pretty run-of-the-mill stuff. i, however, think you've got quite a fair bit of guts to do what you're doing now. u've always been tis tiny lil' dynamite, and i really think you're gonna excel in RMIT. you've got what it takes gurl. now that you're done with e worrying (unnecesary, really), i hope that you'll be smiling more! take care dearie!

i love e lyrics to tis song:: i think they're jst so amazingly sweet n touching:: guess tt's jst a part of me saying, 'Mwahaha!' to all e silly boys out there who don't really knw wat they want n end up causing more hurt than they ought to::

i'd rather

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
oo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
.....who holds my heart