a Journey

My mind's sluice gates, my only fort.

Collapsed, under the deluge of memories,

That should have burned

Like oil on water.

The victory of a craving, a weakness. My addiction.

The choice to fall. My damnation.

I've ripped apart the bandages that held me together.

Dismembered now, with hands festering and blistered.

O God what have I done?

The clash of black and white,

my mind and heart

hissing and spitting at each other.

The war of the two is a grey.

A grey of bleakness,

A grey of lightness.

Of despair, of hope.

A grey that permeates every fiber of me

and haunts my days.

Therein lies an angry abyss

Churning,

Devouring,

All that I was. All that I am.

An abyss of escape,

from me.