a Journey

现在也只能欣赏
唯一的合照一张
淡忘了的是那个街角
想念的是当时的微笑

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如果有一天我们再见面
时间会不会倒退一点
也许我们都忽略
互相伤害之外的感觉
如果哪一天我们都发现
好聚好散不过是种遮掩
如果我们没发现
就给彼此多一点时间
(Fish Leong -- 如果有一天)

Courtesy of Jo dearie who burnt this CD for me :)

The best way to get over coming home blues is to play tour guide and semi-tourist. Thanks to my friend from exchange, I've been able to continue with my lifestyle of play LOTS-going to school-giving tuition-play AGAIN, which is somewhat similar to what I enjoyed in Melbourne. :)

I like the idea that there's something to look forward to beyond classes. The wonderful twirling fact that life is more than just a daily routine: that there are free days for reasons like going to the beach, feasting, shopping and just yakking away with magazines sprawled around you. It's days like this which bring smiles and remind me that life is so much more than just competitiveness and measurable results. :)

Life is so multi-faceted, and I'm just really glad that it took someone from outside Catapult Island to remind me of this fact, once again. I guess He realised how bummed I was from coming back, away from Fs. co.

Anyway, I never realised this, but the best way to gain an insight into the lifestyle of the place you're visiting is to go to the 7-11s there! And when I think back, I realise that those that I've visted in Aussie, Malaysia and England did have their own unique quirky "instant" food dispensers and other local specialties. Like "instant" vindaloo curry (?!); chocolate-cappucino; ayam pedas... Mmm. :)

Will you still love me in the morning?
Forever and ever, babe.

I want to watch "Click" again. But I don't know if it will still resound as strongly as it did during the times I watched it in Melbourne. I'm afraid of watching it. I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of turning into a blubbering mess all over again in the theatre, only to realize that I've to be patient to know what Life is going to bring my way. I don't like waiting -- I usually just tend to get frustrated before I realise that actually, frustration is futile. mind over body, body over mind... and it goes on...

I believe that there is more to Life than a bowl of cornflakes, at the end of the day/chase. But there are 2 paths: one that leads to cornflakes, and another that leads to the pot of gold. Except, the pot of gold isn't really gold, but whatever your heart truly desires. Like a family, friends, trust, love... I guess everyone's rainbow is different. It's all a matter of choosing what you think your rainbow is.

Before I even find my pot of gold, I've to paint my rainbow first.

Mortal-ity has returned. I am mini-buddha no more.

Question of the night:
What is defined as "academic project"?

I am buddha-eared right now, thanks to an infection in my right ear. It's a miracle my head's not tilting in a lopsided manner, because the size difference between both sides is unbelievable. I still don't know how my ear managed to get this big overnight, but it did. So there.

Anyway, I'm on this powerhouse course of antibiotics now. If the swelling doesn't go down in 3.5 days, then I will have to undergo a minor surgery. I am freaked out about that; but it's also the fact that I've to shave my head! FYI: any operation above the neck requires the person (I don't want to use the word patient, since it's all a bit surreal to me now) to go bald.

I'm just going to hope for the best. And I hope I don't develop a fever (40 degrees would be a clear cut indicator) because that would mean my body cannot take the powerhouse antibiotics. And I'll just have to go straight to A&E to deal with the allergic reaction and undergo the operation.

I guess all the times I toyed with the idea of going bald... Mmm, perhaps, this is a good enough excuse/opportunity to go ahead with it! DON'T WORRY dearies, this is just to keep you updated. I'll be fine, you know I will. :)

Secrets that devour
Secrets that haunt

I wake to remember
the end of a sentence,
once said, but I know
I may never hear again.

I seem to see your face.
Fear catches my breath,
and I turn cold;
because I'm not strong enough
to pretend around you.

Now I'm hollowed out.
Withered dry,
by all that cannot be named.

I am firewood
ready to burn.
Set me ablaze,
as orange-red flames against
the funny grey sky.

The darkness of my secrets glow.
Its pretty colours
Charred.
What used to twinkle and glitter
has its facade stripped.

Secret's true colours
is but bleakest black.

And so I shall let the fire burn,
until I decide what to do
with my secrets' darkness.

The time has come, to close this chapter. This saga. Or whatever else it may be called. Everything new starts with goodbye. I won't think so much anymore. I'm just going to do, what I know must be done.

I think life is a lot like roller blading. We won't be able to control the fact that obstacles will lie in our way, but we can choose how we deal with them. Either we can avoid them (especially if they are big, thorny and will only cause painful scratches) or we can just brace ourselves for the bump as we blade over them.

After awhile, I guess, we just get better at avoiding or dealing with the obstacles. Or just blading the fine line of watching out for what lies on the ground and yet keeping our eyes on the path ahead.

But experiences do not bring with it the gurantee that we will stop being vulnerable to falling. Even the best roller bladers fall.

And yet, for all the times I fall (like the wonderful episode today: I think I'm the only klutz who can fall on her side and get scratched, guards or no guards :|), I know I will always crave the sea breeze in my hair; the smell of the sea as it glitters under the sweltering sun.

Anyway, I just had to add this in (Quotes of the night):

w.r.t. how the music at FOP was: "His fastest song was 'God is Good'."

w.r.t. the sarabat uncle's beard: "Human bonsai"

Each tear, a vaccuum
that sucks me hollow.
Drained, I gasp and re-surface
emptier than before.

Why do I feel at home
when I look into your eyes?
Why do I believe that
I could understand you?
Why do I want to fight
just for one chance,
we agreed to bury?

Tonight, and no more
will I allow myself
this futility.

I will shatter the dam
So that it will never
hold the tears that flow now.

It's more than you.
It's who we were,
and what we had.

I rested in arms
that cradled and warmed me.
You saw past the defences,
and seeked me out when I hid.

I cried for the story
that the words told.
You understood why
and held me.

I learnt to paint my memories
with a brush that was borrowed.
You taught me how to live
for the here and now.

I didn't dare stay too long
because I'm afraid of you.
You made me happy,
and take my breath away, still.

I never really knew how
to appreciate my accomplishments.
You taught me to hold my head high
when you celebrated the
sweat and sacrifice behind them.

Thank you for sharing
a moment in time.
For the truths and dreams
that the night coaxed
from our inner closets.

Perhaps, the hope
will remain steadfast.
I pray you'll see the rainbows
as you journey towards your goal.

But the morning's a new day,
without you or us.
Just me,
and a new sunrise.

I close my eyes
And I am staring out the window
once again.

Envious of the simplicity,
the short reprieve that
a coastal town could provide.

Maybe not forever,
but for awhile more.
This was my plea each time.
Let me stay a little while more.

A vastness of blue that twinkled
in a sun that shone
and warmed when the cold wind blew.

An expanse that brought awe
and mesmerized with its
calm waters.
I could sit there all day
and still be captivated.

Trees that closed in
but didn't suffocate
like the concrete jungles do.

Shadows that played off faces
painting each moment in my mind
as I basked in the quiet,
in the peace.

Stars that enveloped me,
I thought I was flying.
A darkness so black,
So beautiful I was afraid to breathe.

Chilly winds that blew
and caressed my face
with its icy fingers.
I laughed because I was grateful
to live.

I close my eyes
to press against the
window once again.