a Journey

S -- Save, save, save (& save) money!

E -- Enthusiasm. Because Life is short. And can be sweet. :)

V -- Veggies. I'll start eating them. More.

E -- Exercise? Cos of all the drinking. Pwah.

N -- No more toxic relationships. Bye bye those who only want to bring me down.

What's yours?

Books, movies, plays: they speak to each of us so differently according to the circumstances we're in at that point in time. A movie which meant so much to us 6 months ago would probably not have the same impact as it did when we first watched it. Take Click for instance; it struck a chord with me then because of the idea of people choosing their careers over their loved ones; taking their loved ones for granted until it was too late... the idea that there may have been love but whatever greatness it could have achieved was snuffed out by a desire to achieve tangible returns that meant nothing at the dying hour...
And so tonight there was The Holiday; mainstream, but it rawked for me tonight, right now. The idea of getting rid of toxic relationships. It's so easy to just hold on to toxic relationships out of familiarity. Out of fear & dependence... But as I was watching it I started thinking of loving yourself. It's more than just you; loving yourself by saying "no"; by staying away from those who lie to you believing that you have no clue as to what is going on; by being brave and doing what is right, even though it's going to be difficult. And so I must remind myself...

I didn't know why I was upset over my friends' achievements... I was positively blue and sulky and pouting half the time... and so I got fed up with myself and thought about it. Why on earth was I feeling this way?! And then I realised it was my fear :: of being left behind when everyone else climbed their corporate ladder and flew away to countries far, far away :: I am afraid that one day, they will look at what they've achieved and say: "Maybe I should upgrade my friends." And I won't be in the upgrade list. But the other part of me reasons; if these are the people whom you want to call your friends, are they worth your blood and sweat? I know I'm emotional. I used to try and build a wall around me and be so careful about my 'inner circle'... but I realised that Life is unpredictable. And to be ultra-careful in order to prevent myself from hurting, I don't want that. I learnt that I grew the most from the painful lessons. But then, there's the fine balance between trusting blindly and common sense... which I realise, may not be so common after all.

And so, kudos to all my safety nets this past year. It's been crazy-beautiful. Yes, sometimes, it hurts the most when we smile as we cry... but I've been so fortunate for family and friends. We always read about how people thank their family and friends for contributing to their sanity... and in posts like this, we tend to discount it. But going through the potholes, we learn to understand the unsaid love & thankfulness behind the simple: Kudos to y'all.

Sometimes, when we strike up friendships, we never realise how big an impact they are going to have in our lives until a month. a year. or years (try 5 years) later.

In BKK, I finally met up with a dear, dear friend who used to go to school with me. I was the rose among the brambles... or so it seemed... but actually, I think it was the other way around. Papp and I, we used to drive the Math & English teachers in TK KRAZY. I think the former hated us with a vengenance, and the latter, we almost committed her to an aslyum with our in-class antics. Like the time Papp decided to belt out in song in the middle of lesson, because he felt inspired to... and the way I imitated my English teacher's idiosyncratic habit of looking at the ceiling and teaching us... we were a teacher's nightmare as sitting partners... And Node, and Lek.. and Andres... Hmm. They were slightly better relative to us two... ;)

Papp today is a successful banker who's as sweet as ever. He still has the best heart ever:: so kind :: But 5 years have seem him mature... we're both grown up now... but I am so glad he's got to be where he is. SO SO happy for him. :) He's QUIET-er now... and more mellowed and less frantic when things screw up. I mean, he navigated Bangkok traffic without breaking into a sweat once! But he's still Papp. He picked us up in a really BIG car (the girls were in awe) but apologised that the car wasn't any bigger. Still a little bit removed as always :)

Meeting up with him was a great reminder of the past 5 years and I look forward to the next 5 years:: come what may ::

To Fir:: you're the bestest god-bro anyone could ask for!:: Thank you for the amazing surprise. :) Just seeing you when I was under the impression that you were stuck on waitlist back in Aussie... haha, sorry if the 'rugby tackle' hurt; but it was really good seeing you again. And Fay! You knew all along! Both of you rawk my heart! :)

And Greg, I'll love the present, regardless. Don't sweat it. :)

The finale to the 21st birthday cumulated at S.S.C... and honestly, I wish that they hadn't opened all the bottles that they did. I think I've drunk all that I ever want to for the next five years; no more. I had the mother of all hang overs today... and to look at it positively, I shall just say that it's a good catalyst for me to be more proactive of my health.

Thank you. you. you. you. ALL of you. Yesterday was such a beautiful night simply because of the love all of you showered on me. It was meant to be a small, small celebration... but, all of you just rawked my heart so much. Your presents & cards brought tears to my eyes as I recalled the beginning of our friendships & marvelled at how far we've come. It was such a beautiful night. I was on a constant high, not from the wine... but from all of your love. Thank you all so much. Y'all have been the rays of sunshine during some of the cloudy days of my life, and for that and last night, I love y'all so much. :)

And no, even if you couldn't make it for Sunshine I, there's still Sunshine II coming up this Tues. ;)

every Christmas, we'd inadvertenly start asking loved ones: "What do you want for Chirstmas this year?" or we'll try to 2nd guess what they want and buy it for them before the 25th of Dec rolls around. for the past 21 Christmas-es, i honestly cannot say that there are particular gifts/presents which stand out in my mind. but there are memories of time spent with loved ones which evoke smiles and nostalgia in my locket of yesteryear memories.

like the time all of us trooped down to melaka for christmas, and i was treated to fireworks at the portuguese settlement :) and i will never forget the night we went into random strangers' homes and were welcomed with open arms, smiles, wine, good food, homemade cookies, different forms and colours of the Nativity scene. such warmth, and genuine excitement and happiness for christmas... i've never experienced it here before. and when midnight came around, we were hugged and wished Feliz Navidad all around. adults and children alike were laughing and cheering the arrival of Christmas.. :) that was an amazing gift; the experience. cheers to my cousins who drove through midnight mass traffic just for me. love.

and when i was in england, the snow really added to the whole experience. it was only the lead up to chirstmas, but the stream of music coming from the shops as we walked along the cobbled streets, hand-in-hand with our friends... it was such sweet memories. the feeling of friendship & the warmth and love.

these were my best Christmas gifts ever.

so as the time for Chirstmas rolls around again, i've a list of wishes & wants, once again. but it's different this time around, and i hope that it'll be beautiful enough for my loved ones.

1. mend a quarrel
2. seek out a long-lost friend
3. choose to trust instead of suspect
4. write a long overdue love note (no bf, but i still have plenty of lovelies! :))
5. forgive someone i hate
6. offer to help someone who's reached the end of his/her tether
7. express appreciation
8. make a kid happy
9. find time to keep a promise (so many overdue meet ups, so little time!)
10. send a gift, ANNOYMOUSLY ;) hehe
11. remove a grudge from my horde of grudges (i will be less petty X 100)
12. listen
13. apologise for a wrong
14. smile & laugh
15. chat face-to-face with my loved ones:: without having the TV/internet on
16. have a homecooked meal with beautiful music playing in the background
17. do the dishes voluntarily
18. be patient even when i feel like smacking the person (i will be gentle)
19. be encouraging to my grandparents/parents instead of teasing them about how old they are
20. lessen my demands on others. (i'm sorry i'm such a prissy princess)
21. read/ send a poem i love to my lovelies
22. share a friend's sorrow... because they've always held me as i cried. y'all so deserve this.

so maybe i won't be able to finish it by dec 25th... but hey, why not make christmas a month before the New Year comes round ;) darlings, what's your wish list this year?