a Journey

my time back has past in a whirl and i'm still trying to figure out where my 14 days went to. i know there was that conference paper, and the conferences and the meeting with the client... but that's still a week unaccounted for! maybe the cny festivities ate it all up. but i do know i'm still missing a movie. and that time is spread too thin sometimes. "brief" is an understatement for the 3 hours that i spent with some dear ones before i see them again in 6 months... or maybe more :|

but i remember texas holdem! it was lovely the way the weight of the chips was weighing heavily on my side. it feels good winning half the house chips ;) maybe if ever i really, really, run out in melbourne, i could always try Crown :p and then there was the mahjong at ah-gong's 80th birthday... i think they're going to ban the family from the clubhouse for sometime. talk about a topsy-turvy family: the adults were mixing the drinks for us and we were the ones playing the mahjong. well, at least it explains the giggly adults and the fact that it took 3 adults to help one of the younger ones out with the mahjong. well, but ah-gong wooped our butts alright.

cny was a blur, and what really stands out is the fact that the extended: and by this i really mean EXTENDED family should really meet up soon. otherwise i'll keep getting mistaken as someone else's sister/girlfriend/daughter... whatever. hmm, guess i really don't look like papa.

and this is about all i can remember now. oh and the fact that mambo night was such a bitter horrible disappointment. the crowd was underaged i think in velvet... and for the service, what service?

The Lunar New Year has brought with it this impetus for change. Not because of anyone... just this desire to take the initiative and change the way things are and have been in my Life.
For starters, I think this blog is going to be less about me: I don't want to lay myself so bare to a computer. I think it's time I start learning to open up to those around me. It's not going to be easy... but it's time I tried. It's draining trying to bring my thoughts and emotions across... but I think I could get used to opening up. I want to. I think I've to grow up and stop expecting people to guess my moods. But it's still very heart-warming when some manage to understand me without me saying anything. I don't want to be mollycoddled any longer. It's nice to be so loved. But after Shanghai, I realise I cannot go back to being Princess Fie. I am so much more appreciative of the chauffering I get; but I rely a lot more on the MRT and buses nowadays. :)
It's awkward learning to say 'No' to so much goodwill... but it really feels good moving around on my own. It's so much more than the transport situation... it's just that the transport is symbolic of a lot of the people and situations in my Life that moving away from the steady source of readily available transport says a lot about the relationships and Me. In general.
It's still a long long way to go. But dearies, I know you'll ride with me. ;)
Thanks y'all for the Love.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm addicted to pain. Because lately, all the choices I've been making w.r.t my personal life seem to be pointing towards Heartbreak Hotel (again). Wt*. I so need to learn my lessons. But then again, I'm a lot more numb now than I was before.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

The gold has left and I'm a blank piece of paper.

我不再恨也不再爱。说起以前的事我的心也没有含着一滴希望。
“我们”现在是“我”和“他”。。你的关心不再令我哭。
也许我们已经开始成为所谈过的“朋友”。
（12/01/07）

the aches are worst today. I hope they are NOT going to get progressively worst :

Mountain Ranges @ 700. I staggered uphill again for this view, but it was worth it to be able to live in a picture.

So small compared to the sheer majesty of Nature.

treacherous steps leading up... and down... and up... and down... and up... and...

we thought this was the peak... but we climbed another 40m more.

 If you look closely, you'll see padlocks on the metal chain rail behind us. Apparently the local couples come all the way up to lock their padlocks around these metal chains as a symbol of a long-lasting relationship. Oh well, I saw a bicycle lock, so I guess some couples like to travel light up the mountain instead of lugging the actuall metal bar around ;p

my darling Sherpa and photographer :: Zhq :)

how the Chinese peeps managed to carve stone steps into rocks like these simply amaze me

not because I'm a masochist. But because they're a reminder of the 1864m I climbed over the weekend.

No cable car help because coming up the mountain, I was an ignorant enthusiast. I guess this is what happens when the most you've climbed are snow-capped ski slopes with the help of ski-lifts. Tourist attractions. Ignorance. Coming down, I wanted. No craved the cable car, but as life would have it... there was a short-circuit on the mountain so the cable cars were out from 10a.m. to 4p.m. and the bus back to Shanghai was at 2p.m. 3p.m at the latest. And so we climbed.
This was the first time in my life I think I understood the word MAJESTIC. The mountain range. Not a single, solo one, but range after range before my eyes clouded in purplish-white mist... it was beautiful. To see a sheer rock face and realise that people had actually managed to carve stone steps into rocks as steep as that. And to climb down almost vertically, and have to mantain your sense of balance sans handrail at some spots... and I could go own about the stairs UP that made me want to cry from the breathlessness and light-headness... :)

Twas my weekend of 12 hours of climbing... and more.

Twas was Huangshan.

I am starting to worry about the amount of coffee I've consumed in the month that I've been here... and I seriously worry about the damage Iam inflicting on myself via instant coffee mixes. What excatly do manufacturers put in them Nescafe instant mixes?
Or the Maxwell House ones... or the Mocca ones...
And so I really think I'm having a packet one too many :|