a Journey

let the inhibitions fall away.

will we remember to smile through our tears?
i wonder, since now, we grit our teeth so
the tears won't fall. and we just
stop smiling
to remain aloof and impenetratable

don't take anymore sleeping pills
because i'll run through the night with you,
and we'll ride at 180km/h
like we did before

Love y'all

To: All who were with me this evening as we crowded around the front doors of bus no. 9

It had been a long wait. I know we were all rushing to get to our destinations. Be it a dinner at home, a gathering of friends or just that relaxing hot soak in the bathtub - We all had places to go. And we wanted to get there fast. So when bus no. 9 finally appeared, we swarmed towards the front of the bus, edging forward as much as possible in hope that we would be able to board just that bit faster than the next commuter. No one wanted to miss the Friday night ride. So when we saw her, that wisp of a lady teethering precariously at the front of the bus, we sighed. In our minds, we wondered, "Why alight from the front?!" Of course, we didn't care that she had clenched her teeth, jaw set in concetration as she tried to keep her balance. We didn't care then she was so frail, standing there in her bright yellow dress. It looked out of place amidst our modern blacks and grey, how unfashionable to have splotches of green set against bright yellow. And here she was blocking our way up the bus.

And so no one moved. A sea of empty eyes stared up towards her vulnerable weathered face, as she hesistantly made her way down. She stopped at the last step, afraid to make the slight jump to the pavement. And still, we didn't part. Suddenly, a Filipino family pushed to the front of the crowd, and the mother reached her hand out and held her by her wrist. It was a firm grip that came with a smile that said, "I got you." Leaning her weight against the mother, she made her way down, as the streams of people rushed past her eager to get any available seat. They were tired and weary, you see.

It didn't matter that some of us "less corporate jaded" ones were appalled and upset. For all our mutterings and dirty looks cast at the crowd around us, we continued to stand as one with them. We didn't push them aside and reach out to help an old lady in need. You can't really blame us, we weren't programmed that way. We hadn't been through a campaign that said, "Help Old Ladies Alight from the Buses". Not much money had been spent on a bus-specific programs, so we had reason to be ignorant of what to do. After all, we had forgotten our souls a long time ago.

Thank you for picking me up during a dreary grey day, when nothing I said seemed to be right. I wasn't the most intelligent of them all on that rainy Monday, but you brought a wee bit of sunshine when you let me indulge my whim. And things just got better despite the traffic jam and the fact that we almost had to do some manual labour when the fuel tank ran low...
 Thank you for bringing me to your hideaway durian stash. Yes, it does taste better than the ones at Geylang. And way cheaper too. :)
And the claypot rice. Yes, it's the first time I ever had such an authentic one - and those crispy rice bits are addictive. Car-ci-no-gens, never heard of them. Not to mention the succulent, juicy chicken parts which were so tender and flavourful. Thanks for eating it with me, although I know it was dinner no. 2 after your beef kway teow.
Not forgetting the Coco Ice. Chocolate powder, the real thing, not Milo... on shaved ice.

Mister K, you're the best friend anyone can ask for on a blue Monday.
(p.s. The blue curacao makes a pretty picture)

You say that you're going to try
To love her like you once did.
But I see the confusion,
And reluctance in your eyes.
Determination too.
After all,
You never stopped loving her.

All the spin stories which say,
Love is enough.
Oh, the lies. Loving someone doesn't mean
"I do", forever and ever.

Love just means,
you care and want the best
For her.
And you want to see her smile
With happiness.
Truly basking in a love
You can't give to her;
And she doesn't understand why.

Love just means, you're willing to
Shortchange yourself,
for a year or so.
Although you'd never allow a dear one
To do the same.

And so, I'll step into the shadows now
instead of saying more.
I can't, because I did the same before.
And I'd probably do the same again.

It's your call.
All I can say is this:
I don't feel indebted to anyone.
Nothing's fair in love and war.

We make the decisions that allow us
To sleep at night,
And move on when the time comes,
To let the string go.