a Journey

i'll see you at http://myclosetcatharsis.blogspot.com/

In a single weekend, a family tradition which has always been practiced since, I can remember really, evaporated into nothingness. Maybe it was just the final stage of the whole process since A.J died. After she died, Hari Raya was never quite the same. I’ve never admitted it to anyone before, but I still miss her. I can’t and don’t talk about her, like remember her, the person that she was to me and all of us, the way I still miss her cooking and going over to her place to chill out after school. I can’t say out loud the way I miss going out with her. I am scared of crying because I’m so afraid I won’t ever stop. I’ve never cried so hard since the day she died and I haven’t since. I still remember running to her when I fell down and she made me realize it really was okay to fall – she taught me to laugh at myself, and not blame the other cousins. She could laugh in the face of everything, including cancer. She was the one person I know, who died with a smile on her face. Or maybe I was just imagining it all. All I know is this:  we lost a part of ourselves that day. All of us did.

This Hari Raya, we didn’t celebrate it with them. I guess, work caught up with everyone, and they just wanted to rest instead of clean up after the open house. Maybe we were all really tired. And somehow, the open house, just took second place. Maybe, the final nail has finally been driven into A.J’s coffin. I think Death is not a single event; it’s a process that continues even after the final kiss has been given.

Just like the boys I knew from childhood are no longer the men I see today. I don’t know if we really know each other anymore. I guess we don’t really. A year ago, we danced on cheap champagne, believing in a future together, “forever and ever, love!” But as Christmas approaches, I don’t know who I’ll be dancing with this year. The colors that they painted my life with will always remain: red for the craziness, a blur of yellow lights as we flew down slopes with the wind hard blowing against our faces we had to shut our eyes, black silence for the night which always brought a peace with it as we sat anywhere, really, to breathe and stone… but, a lot of things, we have changed.

Now, she’s going too. As a girl, I ran home to her, because I missed the strength that could be found in her embrace. The alaga who enjoyed special treatment … dealing with this is not an option because she deserves better. But it’s 22 years I am saying goodbye to.

So what do you do when your world changes? How do you breathe properly without a dull ache in your throat that chokes and constricts?

Drivers, watch out:

My grandpa who's 80, still drives every once in awhile. The other day whilst he was driving over to visit the chiropractor in my area, he saw three Bangladeshi workers who were standing on the road divider. He slowed down to let them cross, but only one did. The other two remained on the road divider.

As he proceeded to drive on, he heard a loud thump on the boot of the car. He pulled up by the side of the road to investigate, and the two Bangladeshi workers who had remained on the road divider approached him. They claimed that my grandpa had knocked one of them down, as witnessed by the other worker who had remained on the divider with him. They demanded a compensation. So, they took everything grandpa had in his wallet which amounted to SGD 100. 

He was urged to make a police report after he told the chiropractor this incident. Unfortunately, the Bedok Reservoir stretch is undergoing major renovation/construction/upgrading works, so the police haven't managed to find the two workers.

I'm not sure if the third worker was involved in this scam. And just FYI: the road divider, is an elevated one so I don't think grandpa could have even run over their toes, like I wish he did.

So drivers, beware. This is not the first time something like that has happened. A girlfriend of mine once got into a minor scrap with a dispatch driver who worked for a fast food joint. It was a minor collision, and the driver proceeded with his deliveries after my girlfriend, M, insisted on bringing him to a doctor for a check-up.

She felt worried that he didn't want to see a doctor, and exchanged contacts with him, in case anything were to crop up later on, she volunteered to pay for his medical bills.

What possessed her to do this, I don't know. Maybe it was the fact that everything was fine and dandy after the mini-accident where his bike skidded into her car. There were no scratches on her car at all, and his bike was fine too.

Unfortunately for her, he called her the following day saying that he went for a check-up at a hospital and somehow or other, the bill came to 4-figures which he wanted to claim from her. She asked to see the receipt etc. and he went ballistic on the phone, swearing at her. At one point in time, he even threatened a lawsuit saying that he was unable to work from henceforth. Thankfully, M had the sense of mind to say she would contact her family lawyer.

Let's just say that the man dropped the whole notion of a lawsuit pretty fast. As for the receipt etc. Well, I don't remember M paying more than 3-figures after asking to see the validity of his claims, which turned out to be for a sprain hand. FYI: She did pay more than she had to because she felt sorry for him. Once again, I don't know why (?!).