a Journey

To: All who were with me this evening as we crowded around the front doors of bus no. 9

It had been a long wait. I know we were all rushing to get to our destinations. Be it a dinner at home, a gathering of friends or just that relaxing hot soak in the bathtub - We all had places to go. And we wanted to get there fast. So when bus no. 9 finally appeared, we swarmed towards the front of the bus, edging forward as much as possible in hope that we would be able to board just that bit faster than the next commuter. No one wanted to miss the Friday night ride. So when we saw her, that wisp of a lady teethering precariously at the front of the bus, we sighed. In our minds, we wondered, "Why alight from the front?!" Of course, we didn't care that she had clenched her teeth, jaw set in concetration as she tried to keep her balance. We didn't care then she was so frail, standing there in her bright yellow dress. It looked out of place amidst our modern blacks and grey, how unfashionable to have splotches of green set against bright yellow. And here she was blocking our way up the bus.

And so no one moved. A sea of empty eyes stared up towards her vulnerable weathered face, as she hesistantly made her way down. She stopped at the last step, afraid to make the slight jump to the pavement. And still, we didn't part. Suddenly, a Filipino family pushed to the front of the crowd, and the mother reached her hand out and held her by her wrist. It was a firm grip that came with a smile that said, "I got you." Leaning her weight against the mother, she made her way down, as the streams of people rushed past her eager to get any available seat. They were tired and weary, you see.

It didn't matter that some of us "less corporate jaded" ones were appalled and upset. For all our mutterings and dirty looks cast at the crowd around us, we continued to stand as one with them. We didn't push them aside and reach out to help an old lady in need. You can't really blame us, we weren't programmed that way. We hadn't been through a campaign that said, "Help Old Ladies Alight from the Buses". Not much money had been spent on a bus-specific programs, so we had reason to be ignorant of what to do. After all, we had forgotten our souls a long time ago.

Yesterday whilst helping out at the IMC (Int'l Muay Thai) event at PS, someone invited himself to sit next to me. Because I did not bother to ask his name, let's just call him, the purple idiot guy (PIG).
Never mind that he took a chair from the audience area and plopped himself down next to me as I tried to work at the event.
Never mind that he was blocking pedestrian flow.
Never mind that he said that he doesn't care what the people who hired me think.
Never mind.

Because what irked me the most, was when he asked me: So are you rich?
WTF kind of question is that?
Alright, maybe it was what came prior to this. I had complimented two Korean ladies who happened to be standing in front of me. He glanced them up and down and turned to me, and said: " They look rich. Are you rich too?"
I smiled dumbly, shook my head, and wished that a lightening bolt would strike him.
He probably took it as a good sign, because he asked next: "Do you go clubbing?"
"Velvet," I said, through clenched teeth with the smile of a clown plastered on my face.
"Wow," he said, almost getting a neck sprain from trying to stare into my face and nauseating me in the process. "You must be rich. How do you get in?"
"I pay the entrance fee of (only) SGD 20," at this point in time, all I could think of was: where was Joe?!
"Is your dad like a shareholder of Zouk?"
"No. I think you are blocking the way."
"Oh really?"

If you are wondering how the torture was so prolonged, it was because my rescuer Joe was too busy to come by, and when he did, he was laughing at PIG and the anguished look of practised patience on my face. I couldn't stab him in the eye try as I might, because there were media around. We were supposed to generate positive publicity, Perhaps if it had been a quieter day, I should have. Because the clincher came when he asked:

PIG: What's your name?
Me: Sophie
PIG: EH, why sound a bit Malay? *makes a face at the M-word*

You know what? I wish I had worn heels yesterday. MF. At least I could have claimed temporary insanity by constricted blood flow to the head.

Service Scenario Uno:

My brother and I were at the KFC outlet near Tampines bus interchange yesterday evening, waiting patiently in line to order our family feast for our darling niece. This was a fast food outlet, which seemed to be doing very well in terms of crowd control, having a queue system and all (great queue system! I can't get over the fact that it was the best queue I've seen in months).

And then it was our turn. Halfway through my order, the girl behind the counter(as her name on the batch, D****a) interrupted my order as she turned to talked to her colleague mid-way through.

I breathed in and continued to smile. Turning back giggling, she asked: Can you repeat your order for me? Still I breathed in and smiled. And repeated my order.

She packed my takeway order without any sauces or servettes. I asked for them. She said: "Oh ya, you want the blah blah blah.." If my brother had not pinched me under the counter, I might have leapt over the counter.

Perhaps this is the norm here. But I can't accept it when the server of a KFC  who seemed like he couldn't read the menu (I ordered by verbally telling him my order, he didn't seem to be able to read the menu when I pointed out what I wanted) gave better service. But regardless of whether he could read the menu, he sure knew his responsibility well. For all the words he didn't have, he didn't substitute it with gibber. blah blah blah.

Service Scenario Dos:

Today we had dinner at Fish & Co. at Parkway. Perhaps they were seriously understaffed. But does it take an hour to put a packet of earl grey tea into a cup of hot water? Fine, maybe we shouldn't have ordered two cups of earl grey tea. Perhaps we should have stuck to a single order. Oh and we should have brought a flask of hot water too. To reduce the time it took to boil water for 2 cups of water. My bad.

Here's a tip for those of you who want the bill to come after another 30 minutes of waiting. WALK OUT. It's quite interesting to see how they suddenly notice your table when you head towards the door. So next time you want your bill pronto, just start walking. That'll get them running. ;)

I don’t know if it’s a good thing that time is whirring past since I came back to Shanghai. But I do know I hated feeling so tired back in Singapore, and the fact that a lot of the nights out were spent in a sleepy-stoned daze. Rar. Plus I wish my camera had been working back then. :|

It’s always such a thin fine line we tread in life. I like being busy, because I feel as though I am doing something with my life. But when in retrospect, most times I wish I’d been less productive and had just taken the time out and spent it with people. Sometimes the short term rush of accomplishment from tasks overshadows the tedious need to invest patience and time with people.

But in the long term, it’s my memories with people which bring the smile and occasional tear.

And last night, when I was so tempted to turn in early whilst waiting for Sharon, Ivan and Ethan to come back with Qiang… let’s just say I am so glad I didn’t sleep before they arrived. :)

Last night’s sleepover (I guess that’s the best way to describe it?) was the best night so far in Shanghai. Beats the shopping, 新天地, the Bund… Not that those places aren’t amazing. But simply because the friendship and camaraderie helped make me realize that Shanghai is to be home for the next few months. Playing 大堤 (Taidi) and Texas Holdem with a whole new group of people was interesting and refreshing. And the fact that the whole atmosphere was so relaxed helped to reassure and confirm the feeling of familiarity which has started to set in recently.

Home, at least it’s starting to come to mind now. And the sudden snowflakes shower this morning... twas lovely*

The Lunar New Year has brought with it this impetus for change. Not because of anyone... just this desire to take the initiative and change the way things are and have been in my Life.
For starters, I think this blog is going to be less about me: I don't want to lay myself so bare to a computer. I think it's time I start learning to open up to those around me. It's not going to be easy... but it's time I tried. It's draining trying to bring my thoughts and emotions across... but I think I could get used to opening up. I want to. I think I've to grow up and stop expecting people to guess my moods. But it's still very heart-warming when some manage to understand me without me saying anything. I don't want to be mollycoddled any longer. It's nice to be so loved. But after Shanghai, I realise I cannot go back to being Princess Fie. I am so much more appreciative of the chauffering I get; but I rely a lot more on the MRT and buses nowadays. :)
It's awkward learning to say 'No' to so much goodwill... but it really feels good moving around on my own. It's so much more than the transport situation... it's just that the transport is symbolic of a lot of the people and situations in my Life that moving away from the steady source of readily available transport says a lot about the relationships and Me. In general.
It's still a long long way to go. But dearies, I know you'll ride with me. ;)
Thanks y'all for the Love.

I thought that I was strong enough, that I was already "used to it," like Amanda said. I thought wrong. The moment Fir called when I was on the MRT, whatever strong front I had just crumbled. How can anyone ever get used saying goodbye to the people who are closest to them? I don't know how I thought I could smile as I said farewell to my bro. I must have been delusional. It's so hard to try to get on with life as usual, knowing that tomorrow's different from today cos I've one less person here in Singapore with me. Know what broke my defense? When Fir made me realise that I had to turn to someone else now. Simply cos he's not gonna be here anymore to help me thru' all my nights gone wild... being my listening ear, my voice of pragmatism and reason, keeper of my secrets (bimbotic as they may be). Basically, he's not here anymore. Things are going to be different, but come what may, I am thankful for the years I had my bro back. Those were crazy-fun-memorable times. Thanks Fir, and I wish you happiness in Melbourne.  :)

2006. It's so fast, where have all the years flew to? I still remember partying with Fir & co. for millenium... it has been 6 years since then. so fast, yet so long. in these 6 years, I have learnt so much, experienced so many new things... and yet when I return to the same group of people, it's almost as if time has stood still. The warmth, the easy laughter, the ridiculous escapades (walking the expressway at 2a.m. in the morning, in the wrong direction. REALLY.), the friendship. Just the happiness and sense of familiarity & security I feel around the people I hold dear, no matter how long we've been apart-- We pick up from where we left off. That's the one thing that time has not changed. For that, I say thank YOU. Yes, some have come and gone, but thru it all, I remain thankful for those friendships that have stood the test of time. In a short 2 years time, I will be graduating and getting ready to join the workforce. That thought scares me. My short helping (not even proper working) stint with RBC has made me realise that skool really is just a comfortable place where we wait on the sidelines before our turn to go out onto the playing field when our turn rolls around. Yet, the independence (true in all sense of the word) excites me. Exhilarating & scary at the same time. Yet, for every time I start to let my fears overwhelm me, I look to HIM and those that I have been blessed with to teach me how to love, and be loved in return. :)

oops, Fir got cut out. But here's us once again ushering in 2006 with fantastically beautiful fireworks at the Esplanade! *smiles*

1. Get my driver's license. I've been waiting more than a year! I have procrastinated enuf! I will pass that test of mine on May 19, 2006.
2. I want to take drum lessons! So far, the only quote I've got is $120/ 45 minutes. *sigh* I don't know if I can handle that plus my driving lessons, plus my trip to Melbourne in June!
3. Anyway, the trip to Melbourne will be first solo trip! *whee* It's scary, nerve-wrecking (where am I going to get the moolah to sponsor my entire month's living expenses?!) exhilarating & fantastic. Makes me happy just thinking about it. ;)
4. Which means that mastering the art of money management is of key importance! For once, in a long while, I'd actually like to be making deposits into my bank account at the end of the month instead of making only withdrawals!
5. Get a job at the Coffee Club in skool, if only to experince the working life and studying at the same time. Okie, plus the extra cash WILL come in handy... but really, if I can't work at Coffee Bean/Starbucks then at least a short stint at the uni's humble cafe... to fulfil my lifelong dream of being a barista of sorts, no matter how pseudo it may be. At least I'll learn to operate the espresso machine!
6. Speaking of activities in uni, joining a women's soccer club would be great. Better still if Naidu can join me. I still remember those crazee days when we tried to test our psycho-motor skills on the field in TPJC... *sniggers* But I like it, anyway. I know that the probability of NTU having a women's soccer team is dubious, but I don't wanna substitute it for touch rugby-- it's just not the same.
7. And I hope to actually run a marathon. And complete it. Of cos not competitively, but I think the sense of satisfaction would be undescribable, especially to a couch potato like me. *tears*
8. Which probably means that I have to start an exercise regime. Nothing like a marathon dream to kick you off the sofa...
9. But I won't forget Ern's advice. That is, get sleep. Enough sleep. Lack of sleep makes me emotional, cranky & honestly, quite dumb. Not the way I want to be when I turn 21 (reach adulthood)!
10. Learn and master basic HTML. I own this blog... and yet I know nothing. *blushes* But hopefully CS 227 will change all that, the same way CS 226 conquered my fear (not lack of skills) as an IT illiterate.
11. I also want to finally set up my own online shopping account instead of relying on others to keep buying stuff for me! *help* I don't know how to begin, but buy I will, shop I will! ;)
12. And through it all, I want to keep walking with Him each & every single day. He's more than just my priority, He's the center of my life. (p.s. this is about the almighty dude, not the boy.)
13. I want to take nude photos. I want to be able to look back 20 years down the road and smack myself for saying that all my hangups about my body, the way I look was just paranoia on my part. Youth is wasted on the young (as Robbie Williams so wisely said) and I hope to catch me in this moment in time so that I can look back and finally be grateful and contented with what I got.
14. And hopefully, I will be able to own an art piece. *Trina*hint hint* ;)
15. After all that I've been through this year, I have learnt that life is too short. I want to be able to let those who matter to me, know that they do. I want to love: dare to love and show my love.
16. So for that, I hope that I'd get to see people who really matter to me, at least fortnightly! :) I guess it's time I take the initiative to be proactive about meeting up with dearies. I'll be damned if I just let the friendships fizzle out just like that.
17. I will take my multi-vitamins faithfully - my body is a temple- health is wealth. that is so true just thinking about my A&E hopital bills and visits to the doc this year. :|
18. As I look at the books left unread on my table, I say, I will catch up on my reading. Too many times I've forsaken the books for the Net. I will read Emma finish! And The Chronicles of Narnia again. It's been too long since I lost myself in a book. Too long.
19. So for that, I will learn to take time out for myself more often.
20. Brush up on my Mandarin. I just tried to write an entry in my diary in Mandarin... that took me an hour. Hopefully the proficiency level will go up... and the time needed to compose something decent... down.
21. I will go back to the pool as soon as possible, and train with Uncle Jeffery again. too long since I went back to just chill and hang out like I used to as a kid. I may be older, but he's still d original Mister Hulk to me.