a Journey - musings

for a little while...

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:10:00 +0800

let the inhibitions fall away.

will we remember to smile through our tears?
i wonder, since now, we grit our teeth so
the tears won't fall. and we just
stop smiling
to remain aloof and impenetratable

don't take anymore sleeping pills
because i'll run through the night with you,
and we'll ride at 180km/h
like we did before

Love y'all

it's getting better

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 01:35:00 +0800

It's amazing how a box of chocolates and Peppermint Choc Chip can help make a listless month better. Especially when they're enjoyed with girlfriends who help bring a breath of fresh air, and spunk that has been sadly missing from my sluggish month. This has been a month of heavy knots in the stomach as I flipped through what seemed like endless pages of literature reviews. Thankfully, the 'torture' isn't that painful to go through anymore. In fact, it's becoming more bearable. Actually, I'm starting to find the readings useful and intriguing. I'm not sure if this is that great a sign though - it could just mean, I'm starting to be aware of how little I know. And pragmatic desperation is what helped me survive three hours of readings at Gelare's today. It's pathetically short, I know. But, it's a good start I think, because now, there's something in me that wants to carry on reading. I want to do my readings. I've done 19 articles for FYP since we've started to get serious about it. This is but the tip of the iceberg... Nerd-dom anyone?

I guess another mood booster was the DavidGoliath cap that I finally managed to wear out today. Anyway, Cha*g & Deb* are big fans of it ;) I wish for a DavidGoliath shop here. It would really help for days when we feel plain ol' dumb, and we need to have catharsis, and retail therapy just doesn't quite cut it anymore. Yes, for moments when I feel like the uglier version of a closet blonde, I need something to remind me, yes I was stupid. But it's not the end of the world. And for that, I wish we had an entire DavidGoliath shop here. Walking into their stores allows you to revel in stupidity & more for the indulgent hour or so that you're shopping with them. And I may not be as smart as I'd like to be, but there's a glimmer of hope yet.

This week has really helped dispel August's cloudiness. It's amazing how the return of the best friend, the Monday chill-out session with a very patient & indulging shifu, and the news that the personal bouncer is staying on at least till next Oct helps chase the moodiness & angst of the month away. And the fact that Yaya & Mum just baked trays of cinnamon & mocha rolls and made konnyaku jelly... It's really been a good week. Thank God.

mid-august in pictures

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 20:15:00 +0800

this month...
* I've lost a friendship of 7 years because I took a gamble. I won't say I've lost because I knew that this was a probable outcome, but I won't deny it hurts all the same.
* Cut my fringe (again.) I really need to do something about this hair.
* Realised that what I've been holding out a year for really is just an illusion, in simpler terms: not worth anything. But closure is the sweetest thing in the world after all the 'what ifs'. And really, the courage to stand up for one's self is totally underrated. I think, we can be stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
* Finally had a reunion in KL with the cousins after 4 long years.
* Started FYP and Yr 4: omg. I can't believe it's the last year! :| It's panic amidst procrastination. urps.
* hic-Loof-hic At least I didn't get drunk this time. And no rashes! Alcohol is THE enemy.
* Realised how much I need the sisterhood to make the days ahead brighter.

let the pictures roll, I don't think I want to say anymore.

Ben-Jacky's wedding-A06

KL snapshots of the cuzs :)

six-degrees

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 02:45:00 +0800

I couldn't agree more with the "small world" phenomena.
Not when the person I met in Shanghai, has been neighbours with a friend who's been in my course these past three years.
Not when my brother's doctor is friends with my friend.
Oh.
And the chef of my friend's new cafe is the ex-schoolmate of Shifu, Fir and Justin.
Right.
It's unnerving the way the dots connected themselves on the spot as we started realising that:
hey! the world is really a global village after all.

Tonight was a good night.

~~he called again, after so long. and he said as we talked, "what a waste. what a damn waste." and i kept quiet. because nothing i said would change anything.~~

c'mon, brighten up my day

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 17:55:00 +0800

Helpied out with an FYP survey in school this week (ended today) which wanted to learn more about Singaporeans' general attitudes towards local politics. It was just a litmus test of sorts to hear what the everyday person living in sunny Singapura had to say. And this are what some people said:

Me: "Sir, all I want is your honest opinion. There is no right or wrong answer."
Person: "There are no suitable candidates in the household"

Me:"Mam, all your answers will be kept private and confidential."
P: "Is there such a thing???"

Me: "Mam, all we're looking for are honest opinons. We're interested in your opinions"
P: "I am not educated. Just because I can speak English doesn't mean I can speak well."
M: "It really makes no difference, your opinons still matter to us."
P: "Why you don't understand?! I already say I don't know anything. Singapore is a very nice country, okie?"

halfway through the survey...
P: "My mother is giving me the black face now. She doesn't want me to answer your questions."
when probed...
the Mother: "My husband is working in the civil service, I don't want to answer this sort of questions."

M: "Mam, don't you want your voice to be heard?"
P: "Tell the relevant authorities that we have a right not to be heard."

...

First of all: This is an academic survey. YOUR private and NON-private numbers were not picked from a telephone list. NO. It was churned out by a COMPUTER who doesn't care if your household is terrorist or not. We won't know anyway. We don't know who you are. That's why we ask for your race, your housing, your income. Not because we want to make the ISA come after you. (You think they have so much time?!) It's for demographic purposes. To categorize ppl to help MAKE SENSE of the data.

Secondly: Even if you had blasphemous political views on what a govt should or should not be:: the survey is 20-odd minutes long. We have to do it for a week. Which part of us student interviewers want to bother to note the record no, of your ONE survey out of the THOUSANDS of numbers we HAVE to call?!

Thirdly: You have a chance to let your voice be heard. It's something you can do for yourself. Instead of shying away. Why don't you be proactive? This is only an academic survey. But hey. Do something for yourself!

Sunny Island

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:09:43 +0800

Back, and suddenly, it strikes me how small everything feels. Looking out to the reservoir the first day home, I felt that it shrunk since I last went away. Perhaps. After all, the pond in 世纪公园 (Century Park) was about twenty times the size of BedokReservoir. Walking down from Far East to City Hall, was actually a breeze after all those times we shopped the entire wholesaler areas for hours at a time. Now, only TopshopZaraMassimo still appeals to me. I don't find myself walking into shops every few minutes because something caught my eye. And I find myself missing those massive ZaraH&M shops at Huaihai. And Superbrand Mall. I miss the massiveness of things. I miss the beauty of the city at night. Its energy and vibe is addictive, and so are the people. They are the ugly ones of course, those who disgust and make me want to throw them into deportment class. Those that are almost caricature like of all things Cheena. But then there are the Beautifuls, who make me just gape at their style and gait. Their confidence, their iron-steel gaze. Their elegance.

But I am so thankful I can finally walk without looking down for potholes on the sidewalks. That I can finally walk in heels on the streets again without stumbling (and embarrassing myself). I love the fact that we have dustbins. Instead of garbage piles by the sidewalk. The smell of sea water, still makes me smile involuntarily. And it's nice sitting in cars again. Crazy driving or not. It's great having such comfortable taxis, and emergency pick-up/drop-off services (:P) as always. And yes, the Kopitiams with a clear night sky up above still gives me my moments of peace. And did I mention, that spitting is a SGD 500 fine?

falalalala

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Sat, 17 Dec 2005 11:30:00 +0800

Yesterday, Rach made this wonderful observation, "You're really not a shopper, Phie." In my defense, I will say, it is the crowd that gets to me. I get traumatised just walking into Mango during the sale season. I mean, I'm fine if you want to have lots of people in one space, but surely not in one small area! *gasps for air* It gets claustrophobic! I freeze when I see crowds. Even in citilink, I don't know how to cut across the masses of people to get into Singtel. I just don't see how to go about it! :| BUT yesterday was fantastic, nonetheless! My gurls are fantabulous! :) Manicure::full manicure:: and a Dashing Diva gift from Shal & Rach! *twirls* Great gurl talk with Shal about her beau too! *bliss* I think it's interesting how I can actually see DH and I, but in role reversals in their r/s. -Shal//Dh, Moi//Fir- All that issue of past r/s, past events. I guess it's always so easy to be rational, but the heart does not always necessarily go with the head. Looking back, things are so different between DH and I now, than when we first started 2 years ago. Listening to her explain herself, was amazing! It was like having this great insight to where he is coming from. I guess the whole reason Shal is still decent to the ex. is cos she has a teddy bear heart! -warm, fuzzy, soft- Just like my dear. Double-edged sword when it comes to drawing the line; but I have learnt to trust and let go of his baggages. Become more zen? Perhaps. But I know that I drew strength from Him and the great people around me. *hugs* Gurls, y'all rawk big time. And yes, this includes all my sistas too! *kehehe*

This is life. Great company, great warmth. :)

Shal & I got camera-trigger happy at Millenia waiting for my parents to arrive.

So Soon... Can't hardly wait

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 21:46:10 +0800

Christmas is coming! *whee* My first pressie is arriving early on the 20th! ;) I can't hardly wait, yet at the same time I am going out of my mind from stress! *sigh* trust me to get worried over superficial things like this, 'Do I look worse now than 7 months ago?' *blushes in shame* so superficial, I know. But I can't help it. After so long, finally, finally I will be seeing him again. I guess this is what most normal long-distance couples go thru... all the anticipation, the want to look your personal best for your darling... oh wells.

~birthday wishes of mine~

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 19:27:32 +0800

Turning 20 is a milestone because it means that my teen years are over. Officially. *sigh* I am now a 'young adult'. I prefer adolescence lots more right now. Anyway, Jo was asking me what I wanted to do tis' year. Honestly, I just want to sit somewhere quiet and chill with people who have a special place in my heart. Somewhere cosy, somewhere affordable would be good. I guess I can't possibly have everyone at one same venue and still spend time the way I want to: sit, drink lotsa cuppa tea/coffee, yak like there's no tomorrow about the krazies that have happened and the dreams we hold close & dear.

p.s shopping and pedi/mani would be great as an added bonus. ;)

I saY...

noreply@blogspirit.com (SoPhiE) — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 20:08:42 +0800

*pats tummy* *sighs*

I practically forced Roy to write out a

'look good' plan for me.

on the plan he said exercise (running)

and eat right (no chips and oreos).

so I tried to follow his plan. handwritten at that.

I stayed off chips and oreos

and had waffles -large- instead.

I ran for the bus instead of walking as usual...

and missing it.

does that count? *fingers crossed*

puh-lease let it count towards something.

anyway. Gelare's waffles make me happy

when I'm eating it. But right now.

I think I'm suffering from delayed brain freeze.

This is my punishment for being greedy

and eating Fir's share too.

*rubs tummy* *sighs*

Maybe, I should NOT meet the blokes

for rounds at the pub tis Fri

before Zouk.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.